Not your usual Christmas message. (2 min read)

A very personal Christmas message; inspirationin even the toughest times

So I didn’t think I’d be writing my Christmas Day message like this. (I was hoping for a broadcast like the Queen!! 😉 ).

We’re currently sat in the paediatric ward with my 5 month old. Don’t panic Mr Mannering! She’s fine. But her cold has got the better of her and she’s getting the treatment from where she needs it.

We’ve left the older two at home with dad. Both not phased and Aoife’s arrival has brought the medical industry into our lives in a new way.

I have never been one for going to the doctor. Never! My dad is one of the stoic baby boomer generation. Who’s own parents had lived through a very real war. And he had been born straight into the aftermath.

Mend and make do. Stiff upper lip. Keep calm and carry on.

I’ve inherited many of those traits.

And I’ve been that type of a parent. I don’t want to make a fuss. There is someone worse off than us.

But my journey as a parent has taught me that although that is still true, you need to balance that with not just reaching a hand out for help. But standing up and making a fuss when we need to. Shouting and screaming when you have to.

I remember consciously thinking at some point with my eldest that unless I listened to my gut, stood in the power of my intelligence and ability to communicate I was being a poor mother. If my kids needed help, they needed help. And in this NHS which doesn’t listen always, which has to deal with budgets and short staff and being all but broken, bar the electrical tape which was the only thing we had left in the cupboard to keep it in any sort of working order, you do in fact have to make sure you’re heard above the procedures and the one size fits all.

And I’m really glad my kids taught me to do this. This summer I gave birth to a beautiful but early little girl who is sat in front of me now. I had done my keep calm and carry on thing and ended up, in all honesty, of nearly dying of preeclampsia and taking the baby that lay in my stomach with me.

When I woke after my c section I felt changed. My sister commented how even if in ICU how well I made sure I got what I needed. Pointing out my morphine drip was not hooked up and questioning if I could have the blood thinning medication due to my blood platelets levels.

That was not conscious and I’m sure a spiritual change, when I flitted off to wherever as they struggled to stabilise me post birth.

However it took a while to filter through to my consciousness. For a while I was sat in a space of guilt.

Self love! Why didn’t I still get it? How could I have put the baby and myself in this position? I above all other people should have been able to spot what was wrong with myself.

My conscious mind caught up with my spirit when a friend reminded me that the cause of the issue was not me but the baby’s placenta. The baby’s. Her still sat in the spiritual had manifested this on a really high level. This was all ordained from a higher place. It was all meant to be. And when I then looked at everything across my life which had led to this moment, I knew it was all predetermined.

That beautiful dichotomydichotomydichotomy where we have ultimate free will and everything is meant to happen just as it does. But I’ll save that wonderful conversation about giving up control for another day.

And the Universe has done what it always does and sent me opportunities to prove to myself, never them, that my mindset has changed.

This is the third time she has been readmitted to hospital. The other two were not serious. But I still had to argue with well meaning loved ones telling me not to make a fuss. Today she is quite poorly.

Funnily enough the one time I was readmitted I knew I had left Hospitals after having her without my medication correct but I wasn’t heard. That sorted and desperate to come home I developed white coat syndrome (my energy begging just to be left alone to nest in this new bundle into the family). So next time I listened to my gut, refusing to go in and the BP readings done while alone were testimony to that.

So as I sit here with her, knowing she’s safe and a plan for her being made, I know this is another gift. From her to me. The other two test runs meaning today of all days I could cope calmly with the situation as the ambulance was called. Allowing her siblings to not bat an eyelid as the ambulance crew bundled in. Been there, got the t shirt.

As she knew today she would need help. So giving us two trial runs has meant that despite not being sat in the most fun of places on this day of festivities, she managed not to ruin the day for her lovely brother or sister. That she managed to get the help she knew she would need and we would still have a day of coming together. Early enough so we’ll be home for Christmas lunch by the look of it. And the people who the Universe have placed us with have been gifts in themselves. Three paramedics, one who shoved a handful of chocolates at me as I’d not thought of myself heading out the door. The lovely staff here. The wonderful doctor who brought Aoife a Christmas gift over.

On this day, the church originally celebrated the feast day of St Anastasia (my confirmation name don’t you know?!) And I thought I’d be talking to you about a message from the Divine feminine.

I suppose in some ways I am. Mother and child and their bond, being the ultimate expression of the Divine Feminine . Others reaching out to help in difficult circumstances. A special child who brings with HER the inherent knowledge which they all bring with them. That ability to be one with the Universe in such an unending way that she does not begin and it does not end. Manifesting what she needs but by thinking but by simply Being.

The Ultimate expression of self which we all aspire to. Simply Being 💖💖💖.

Knowing we’ll be home soon I’ll leave you with love, joy and not your usual Christmas message.

Love as always.

Rachael x

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