Re-Occurring Life Patterns. Why do I keep getting so hurt by the actions of others? My thoughts on the Empath in me and free healing technique (5 min read)

Here Rachael uses her own healing journey as anEmpath to show you how she works through her healing journey.

I have been thinking recently, why do other people’s negative energy spikes (the energy we send behind negative thoughts etc) so strongly. Ok, so I’m in Spiritual circles, and when people who can manipulate energy send out these spikes, even unwittingly, they come out ten fold.

So why am I so sensitive to it? When others seem to just brush it off. All of a sudden I feel like I’m living in a fog, walking through treacle or getting constant headaches.

Ok I’m Empath. So I feel from the heart. I feel others pain and sadness. Just because someone is Spiritually gifted, does not make them Empath (something I still don’t understand!).

But I was talking to a couple of friends recently about this and also about going through experiences until we learn lessons.

How often do I go through this? What lesson am I still not learning? So I sat down to have a conversation with myself. (I’ll give you a technique at the end, but this is a highly effective way of getting to the route of a problem around you)

First of all I thought it was about listening to my gut about people? But I’ve been doing that and haven’t spotted some doosies!

So maybe it’s just about the fact that some people are in our life as we have a lesson to learn from each other, it’s mutual. Ok, I can totally take that, and normally spot the exchange within minutes of realising what is truly happening. But why do I still feel so cruddy?

Ok, I’m not asking the right question.

Why do these lessons hurt so much?

Control.

Really? Control? I know I like to do things a certain way for myself, but I’m certainly not controlling of others ways. And those values of control range down quite low in areas where I know it doesn’t matter.

In trying to change people’s behaviour, you are trying to control them.

Trying to help them!

Trying to control them.

Oh! Ok! I get it!

You’re not responsible for their actions. In trying to help them, you are trying to change them. That is not your responsibility. You don’t have to take responsibility for the actions of others. In doing so, you hold on. As you grip on, they try to buck themselves free, whether they are aware of it or not. This is what is so painful. In taking responsibility for their actions, their actions become your own. You are then battling with yourself. This is self-damaging. You cannot invest yourself emotionally into the way that others respond to life. 

Bugger! How do I start doing that? Do I need to cut off everyone who acts like an a**e at different times in their life? That’ll be everyone, including me! Ok, so not that. When can I go an live in a hermitage?

Not in this life love!

Argh! How do I move forward then?

One foot after another . . .

Thanks for that last gem guys! As clear as mud! 😉

Now I understand why Christ taught so much with Parables (stories) rather than trying to drive the same point home with people, over and over.

The way that I am is fine; I can still offer help in the same way that I do. A gentle word of advice, moral support, a laugh and perspective when it’s warranted.

But anything that person does as a result of that advice is not reflection of me; my advice, time and energy is worth no less just because it has been ignored. I am not rejected if it is disregarded after a couple of weeks. I am not hitting my head up against a brick wall. They are.

I can still be the person I am; if people misjudge my intentions, that does not mean my intentions were any less noble. I am not responsible for them.

If I make an offer of friendship or a gesture of help or love, and it is not taken up, it does not mean that I am not a lovable person. I do not need to please them. I am not responsible for their thoughts. I am only responsible for my own. So I must only please myself.

What I don’t do, is to continue to waste my time and energy over it. That’s the bit I don’t know quite know how to do yet. I know I’m not supposed to go so extreme to cut people out of my life, but that means I need to find another way of dealing with it, that suits me. Hmmmm . . .

Like I told myself; one step at a time!

Conversation with Myself Technique

Take yourself into a meditative state, or very, very relaxed. Listen to some relaxing music, get nice and comfy. If you are a healer, then call in energy to self-heal, or ask for angelic assistance if not and you would like it.

Your intent is to connect in with your sub conscious for your answers, so you don’t need to worry about protection as you would for connecting into Spirit. Still if you want to go up and ask for a blessing on this conversation, then do.

Have a question or an area ready to ask about. Remember your initial question may not be the right one to get to the bottom of it. So try to keep it general.

Ask ‘Why do I continue to date that kind of person? Why do I get the same money.work issues? Why do I have this illness?’

The trick is to just allow yourself to answer. Let the words flow. Even if at first they don’t make sense, by the time you get the end of the sentence, or ask a clarifying question it will do.

This does get easier with time. And the more relaxed you are, the easier this will happen. Don’t try to stop yourself; you have noone to feel silly in front of!

One answer may lead to another question. EG ‘because I don’t value myself’. Why don’t I value myself??

Remember, you may not always like the answer! As I demonstrate above! But we must face the parts of ourselves which are self-damaging, in order to move forward. You will get to a point where you can face this issue, even if you decide not to deal with it straight away.

Also, this may bring out things which you have forgotten or never knew about, especially where others are involved.

When you get to the core, you will need to address that issue in which ever way you need to. Normally healing and establishing new behaviours is the way to do that, but do whatever you feel is right. Remember, you are not alone and can reach out for help from others when you are unsure.

You can use this technique for any area in your life, and I use it at least daily!

Love as always

Rachael xx