Showing pain; our survival response & our thriving responses.

Rachael looks at how her own experiences of sharing her pain through posts doesn’t always have a positive or any sort of reaction, why many of us are stepping into this without realising it and ways to start yourself down the path of responding to the pain we observe in others from a thriving mindset.

Does it make you feel uncomfortable when I talk about my own pain?

Do you think I should have it all sown up?

Presenting a side of life which makes you feel comfortable or a slice of perfection you can hope to achieve?

It’s interesting. Posts when I share like that: I don’t get very much response. It maybe because it’s not what people want to see from me. It maybe that readers don’t know what to say to ‘fix’ this or ‘help’; especially someone who does this stuff for a living.

Many of us dip into a survival mechanism, totally natural and one to be aware of, where showing any sign of weakness would have put you in danger. As you faced off a marauder or a bear in the woods. But we don’t have those danger anymore; and still we will all struggle with stepping away from them when we notice them coming in. It in the least may make us feel uncomfortable for a reason we can’t fathom; and so the easiest thing is to either help or not respond.

I was told once not to be honest with my audience by a ‘social media expert’. I can’t think of anything more damaging for YOU. I don’t share for sympathy or negative attention. I don’t share as I need advice. I share because I’m in the same boat as you.

Because painting an unachievable picture is so vastly damaging to anyone who reads it. And this isn’t some basic account where you’re going to get a superficial look at your healing journey. Those accounts are ten to the dozen.

Pretending life is going to be positive, isn’t real. Positivity is a totally human concept, and how it looks is altered because of each of our own unique outlooks on life. How each of our universe’s looks, is determined by what is positive or negative in our view. These views are formed in our DNA, from our Soul, and from a huge amount of our life experiences. Especially the early ones where our values and everyday beliefs are formed.

I share what I do because I want you to know that even with all my tools, I can’t possibly live in an unachievable Universe. We’re all human and life happens. It happens. For me to pretend that the tools I have in life mean that everything is going swimmingly at the moment would be an abhorrent lie. Because what’s going on at the moment is too big. Too tough. Too hard. I share so that you can give yourself some slack. So you can give yourself Grace & Mercy and not hold yourself to unrealistic standards. Others would have you believe that living outside of the human existence which involves pain, anguish and struggles is a reality; that you can achieve only living on joy and abundance.

And if we were living a non-Western life, that MAYBE true. If we stepped out of society almost entirely it is likely that is achievable; if we cut ourselves off from the rest of humanity. But the point of this existence is to explore ourselves through the chakras of self empowerment through relationships, joy & fear, safety & security of our abdomen. This energy only exists in the physical realms. We have come here to seek this existence and so to do anything else but to live this hot mess would be a waste of a life.

I share because sometimes it’s nice to know someone else is stuck in the hole with us. When we hold space for others, when we truly listen, what we realise is we don’t need to fix them. We don’t need to help them. And these are really beautiful attributes to have. And that is something I hope you can explorewithin yourself whenever you read someone elses post, chat or phonecall, which maybe not asking for helping, but may just be sharing. A problem shared is a problem halved; a problem shared among many is a far lighter load. Learning to reach out to others without shame, and learning to lean back into that is something we all need; these are the building blocks of community and good mental & emotional health practices.

We can’t fix Corona virus. Or an illness. Or grief. But we can be there for eachother. When you don’t know what to say; something simple always works.

• I hear you.

• I’m here for you.

• I’m thinking of you.

• I feel for you.

• What help do you need now?

We don’t need to fix eachother. If anything this pandemic is making us dip into those passive, feminine skills, where we’re all in the same boat together. Where all we need to do, like the school nurse with your scraped knee, is to be there with warmth, kind words & time out.

Love as always

Rachael